Haze
by riverofmemories
Summary: Moving on is harder than it looks, particularly when the one you're mourning is someone you never thought you'd lose. {Natsu x Lucy}{One-Shot}


**. Haze .**

* * *

 _Luce,_

 _Gonna be gone for a while. Heard a rumor about a dragon. Going to check it out. Promise I'll see ya when we get back!  
-Natsu_

Her fingers caressed the indents in the paper, running over the familiar words before deftly folding it and tucking it back into the pocket of her coat, zipping the pocket closed so she wouldn't lose it. She didn't want to lose the last form of contact she'd gotten from him. It was the last she'd heard from her best friend, who disappeared into thin air alongside his blue cat six months ago.

No, she corrected herself, it was nearing seven months. She puffed out a small cloud of air. It left her lips in a small puff of white, showing how chilled the air was around her. She snorted. As if the rosy color of her nose and cheeks wasn't enough to show how cold it was…

 _Wham!_

"Oh! Sorry, Lucy!"

Lucy brushed the snow from her hair, a smile playing across her face as Levy flushed, waving apologetically at her. "It's fine, Levy!" she called back just in time to be hit by another snowball. This one, she suspected, had been thrown on purpose. There was no way it hadn't if the look on Gajeel's face was anything to go by. Normally, by this time, she would have joined in with the guild's annual snowball fight that accompanied the first snow of the year. But she just didn't have it in her to join them when the one who enjoyed it the most wasn't there.

So, instead, she found herself sitting on a chair she'd dragged outside. Her hands were clasped together in her lap for warmth now, her ears protected from the cold by a pair of earmuffs as she watched her friends and guildmates turn the fight into a war, breaking off into teams. She didn't bat an eye when a snowball large enough to kill someone was hurled and Mira came up in a rage moments later.

"Not joining in?"

She jumped, eyes darting up to rest on the speaker. Gray tugged uncomfortably at the T-shirt he wore, and Lucy felt a flash of jealousy. The ice-make mage had no need for coats and the likes. He probably could have walked around bare naked and he wouldn't even shiver a little bit. His dark eyes were on the playing guild members for a moment before lowering to lock with hers.

"No," Lucy answered with a sigh. She chewed thoughtfully on her lip. "It's no fun without him attempting to win by himself. What about you? Are you going to join in?"

"No." Gray shook his head. "What's the point? I'd win before any of them could even get a blow in. That pyro's the only one who even puts up a challenge, and that's only 'cause he can melt the snow before I hit him."

Lucy inclined her head in his direction to show that she understood before looking skyward. "He'll be back soon enough. Then we can have our own snowball fight, just us and the rest of Team Natsu...maybe Juvia, too, because if I get in a single hit on you without her there, she'll try to drown me."

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed, flashing her a grin. Something cold and wet slammed into his face, and his smile was replaced by a darkened scowl as he glared at a cackling Bickslow, who stood by an innocently smiling Lisanna. "What the hell!" he raged, storming in their direction.

Lucy had the feeling he'd been dragged in without meaning to be, especially after he shucked his shirt off.

So much for not joining in…

Rolling her eyes, Lucy glumly propped her chin on her open palm, her other hand returning to her pocket for the umpteenth time that day. _Come on, you idiot,_ she wanted to scream, _Come home already!_

But she knew deep in her heart that he wouldn't be home anytime soon. While it hurt to think about it, she knew somewhere in the depths of her soul that it would be a long, _long_ time before she heard from her best friend again.

Yet she clung to that small thread of hope. Surely Natsu, who was probably the most loyal of all of Fairy Tail's members, wouldn't abandon them! Surely he wouldn't forget about his nakama and leave them all to forever wonder where he'd gone!

 _Then where is he?_ that harsh little sneer whispered in the back of her mind. _Why would he choose to come back when he could get stronger than everyone put together by leaving them behind?_

Lucy couldn't answer, because somehow, she found herself believe it. Why _wouldn't_ he take every advantage to get stronger? _Especially_ if it meant finding the dragon parent he'd searched for so long? What the hell would he want with a pathetic woman who couldn't even so much as step out of a fight without nearly getting herself killed like he could?

With that thought, Lucy felt herself sink further into the darkness that had been gathering in her mind for some time, and the next time one of her nakama even thought to look her way, they were meant by a dead blank stare that scared the smile right off of their face.

* * *

Christmas and New Years came and went and before Lucy knew it, the new grass was beginning to sprout. The air warmed, and she no longer felt the need to wear a coat despite Mira's insistence that she bring one just in case. Magnolia was known for getting just one final blizzard before the ending of the winter season, but she could care less.

She was more focused on other things.

The barest hint of a smile flickered across her face before vanishing. It had been a long time since she'd smiled, since she'd been truly happy. It had been a long time since any of her nakama had bothered to try and talk to her, so it wasn't unusual that she found herself sitting at a table in the corner, all alone. Other than the occasional concern her nakama showed, such as Mira making sure Lucy was aware of the usual blizzard that was likely to show up any day now, they usually heeded to her wishes and let her be.

Even Gray and Erza had drifted away, the ice-make mage making more time for the utterly ecstatic Juvia and the requip mage taking more and more dangerous job requests upon discovering how much she enjoyed bringing home the strangest of strange gifts for her guild.

Chewing listlessly before forcing herself to swallow, Lucy gave up and pushed the plate away. She folded her arms and rested her chin on them, closing her eyes. Her sleep hadn't come easy the night before, and she was exhausted...not that such a thing was new. She had issues sleeping most nights now. It was just so _hard_ to sleep without _him_ waking her up by breaking into her apartment through the window…

"Lucy?"

Wendy's gentle yet anxious voice snapped her into just a little awareness. She blinked a few times, furrowing her brow. Where the hell was she…? "Uh, yeah?" she mumbled, her voice hoarse from lack of use. She swallowed thickly. How long had it been since she'd actually spoken with anyone like this? The last thing she remembered was speaking to Loke about something, but that had been when there was three feet of snow on the ground…

Wendy placed a strange package on the table in front of her. "This arrived just now...Mira was calling for you."

Lucy blinked. "She was?"

The young dragon slayer's eyes widened momentarily before she nodded and said softly, "It doesn't say who it's from...open it?"

"Right…" Lucy stared at the package for a moment, confused, then shook the confusion off and set to work on ripping it open, barely aware of every set of eyes that were watching her every move. Her fingers trembled as they ripped through the paper, and she went still when her fingers brushed against a _very_ familiar textured fabric.

There, nestled among the remains of the torn paper, rested a familiar scarf. It was perfectly clean, the white scale-like material gleaming in the light of the guildhall. Resting on top of the fabric was a torn piece of older looking parchment with only two words written on it in a rushed way.

 _For you._

Her head was spinning. She couldn't breathe. She felt numb, as if every emotion ever had been sucked right out of her.

He never went anywhere without this scarf. This scarf was like a lifeline that meant the death of him if he lost it. So there was only one reason it would have been sent to her.

Suddenly, a keening wail left her lips, and the tears _finally_ boiled over as she shakily scooped the scarf up, dropping her face into it to sob raggedly. For the first time in close to a year, she brokenly screamed his name, completely unaware of the commotion that suddenly exploded throughout the guildhall.

No.

 _No._

 _NO!_

 _YOU PROMISED!_ she screamed in her mind. _YOU PROMISED YOU'D SEE ME WHEN YOU CAME BACK!_

She was distantly aware of Loke's voice murmuring urgently into her ear as she screamed continuously into the familiar fabric. She didn't remember the Celestial Spirit stepping out on his own, but then again, she didn't remember much for a long time after that.

She didn't want to remember _anything_ that he wasn't a part of.

* * *

"Hey! Lady! You gonna pay for that?"

No answer.

"Hello? You hearing me?"

No response.

" _Hello! I'm talking to-_ "

"If you don't leave her alone right this moment, I'm going to kill you."

Lucy didn't respond to any of the voices around her as insults were snarled at her and the people that had dragged her out of her unending misery. Who was it that had brought her out again? She squinted, making out shapes past the blurriness, and then grimaced as she blinked rapidly. How long had it been since she'd blinked?

"Lucy?" Was that Bisca's voice murmuring gently into her ear? Or was that Cana? Had to be Bisca, Cana had never spoken to her like that. "Do you want anything? Erza, err, _asked_ that he offer whatever you wanted for free. And she took care of the expenses for that glass you accidentally broke."

"No," she said, her tone emotionless, her answer the automatic one she'd been using for quite some time now. "No, I don't want anything. Thank you for offering, though."

"Come on, Lucy," Levy said softly, gently touching her arm. "Pick out _something_. What about one of those rare books over there? You love reading, remember?"

"No," she answered again. "But thanks."

It had been nearly a year since she'd gotten the scarf. And it was only when her friends forced her into the bath that the scarf left its home at her neck. She refused to let it leave her sight even then, and wouldn't take her eyes off of it until it was safely wrapped around her throat again.

She'd tried. The celestial mage had honestly _tried_ to move on, but it was so exhausting in so many ways that she'd given up almost immediately. She couldn't bring herself to visit the grave that had been erected to honor the dragon slayer. Just the thought of going to it made her physically hurt enough that she would immediately go after the alcohol that - surprisingly enough - Cana was in charge of keeping her away from.

Yet…

Somewhere, deep, deep down, she knew the time to go to it was approaching. She needed to say goodbye...or at least promise that she'd see him again, whether it be within the week or years down the road. She could remember the pain she'd felt when her mother died. She could remember the pain she'd felt when she'd discovered her father had perished.

But _this_ …

This was _agonizing_. She didn't want to live anymore, not without the crazy pyromaniac that had brought her to the people who had become her family in the first place. She knew somewhere in her mind that they were crazy with worry over her, that they'd talked about having her move to Fairy Hills so they could keep constant watch over her, but she could care less.

She just wanted to wake up to discover he'd broken into her home again.

It was hours later that she forced herself to wake up her mind. For the first time in months, she truly opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings. How had she gotten from the store to the guildhall's bar again…? And how had it gone from evening to morning so quickly…? Why was she drinking a huge mug of alcohol…?

Furrowing her brow, she hauled herself out of the unawareness, the darkness. She needed to be awake for this. She _had_ to be. He would never forgive her for this if she wasn't awake.

She pushed the half-full glass away, standing slowly. Mira, who'd been tending to the bar and swiping it clean in preparation for the guild members that were going to be coming soon, glanced over with surprise. "Lucy?"

"I…" She winced. It had been a long time since she'd spoken without the answer being the same one as it always was. "I'm going...I'm going to go…" She stumbled over the words, struggling to organize them into a statement. But Mira seemed to understand exactly what she was saying.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Mira asked gently, smiling warmly at the celestial mage. "Lisanna can take care of the bar for me."

"No," Lucy mumbled, playing with the ends of the scarf. "I'm...I want to do this alone."

"Okay, but if you need us…" Mira reached out over the bar to gently grab her hand, her deep blue eyes shining with a seriousness that scared Lucy into silence. "Lucy, we are _right here_ , okay? It's okay if you need to ask us for help. I know that for a while, we kind of just left you, but we _are_ here. Just ask."

She blinked at the ex-S-Class mage, then gave a shaky smile, the first smile in over a year. " _Thank you_ ," she said honestly, her hands trembling as she swiped hastily at her eyes.

Yes.

It was time.

She was ready to say farewell to the best friend she had ever had.

* * *

Her knuckles were white as she gripped the flowers, picking her way carefully through the headstones. They seemed so...lonely, as if they were all aching for someone to come and take them to a home they would never return to. Lucy let the hand that wasn't holding the flowers reach up to grip her scarf lightly. _Her_ scarf. Not his. Not anymore.

She would never forget him. She knew that. But it was time to move on, even if she didn't want to. Everyone else had. Every other person in the guild had continued with their lives. Gray was dating Juvia, she'd learned as she'd left the guildhall, nearly stumbling into the couple as they entered. Gray had cranked his head around to stare after her in surprise as she'd walked out with a steady gaze, and she knew Mira had rushed over to excitedly explain.

It was time to say goodbye to the one she'd adored.

She paused before a _huge_ monument, staring at it with surprise. This wasn't his, she knew it wasn't. The name printed in huge letters, however, _was_ one she recognized.

It was an honorary monument to Fairy Tail's founder...Mavis Vermillion. Her eyes warmed slightly as she touched it, remembering the blonde child that had helped them win the Grand Magic Games. Her lips quirked up hesitantly. _Keep him out of trouble wherever he is. Please._

She moved on, leaving a single flower at the monument as an offering.

 _Finally_ , she reached it...only to pause in shock.

They'd had no body to bury, of course, but they'd still created a fancy monument similar to Mavis'. The stone flames had been beautiful, curling and curving around, surrounding the shimmering words that had floated a few inches above the stone. _In Honor of Natsu Dragneel,_ she knew the words had once read.

There _had been_ a monument.

Now there was nothing but gray dust. The entire monument had been utterly destroyed, and more than likely by the person standing among the destruction. They swung their arm, a smug little smirk playing along their lips. "There. Much better. Right?"

"Aye, sir!"

The flowers fell from her fingers, her lips parting in shock, and still she said nothing, only staring in total shock at the sight before her. His salmon-colored hair danced in a faint breeze, looking almost like the flames that flickered along his fingertips in the morning light. His onyx-colored eyes were bright with excitement, the familiar scarf wrapped around his neck contrasting sharply with the clothing he wore, a set she'd never seen before in her life. A familiar blue Exceed flew around his head, looking happier than ever.

" _N-Natsu_?"

His name left her mouth in a breathless whisper, her voice cracking, yet he heard her immediately, his head snapping around. Tears rose to her eyes, falling endlessly down her cheeks when that familiar contagious grin spread across his face.

"Yo!" Natsu shouted, waving eagerly. "Luce! Long time no see! Sorry I took so long, I - oof!"

She tackled him in a crushing hug, sobbing hysterically into his chest as she buried her face against his throat. Her entire being trembled with emotion, and Natsu uncertainly glanced to Happy, who was smirking smugly at them. But then he returned the hug, pressing his nose into her uncared for blonde hair, inhaling deeply to take in her scent.

"I thought you were dead," she wailed against his neck, shaking her head desperately. "I-I thought-"

" _Dead_?" Natsu pulled back to meet her red-rimmed eyes with confusion. "Why would you think I was _dead_? I sent you the scarf, didn't I?" He tugged on it, frowning. "I thought you'd like it...what the hell made you think I was dead?"

She shook her head. "You never go anywhere without your scarf," she breathed, searching his gaze. " _Never_. Why else would you-" She cut off. No. This wasn't real. This was a trick of her mind. She shoved away from him, stumbling back and dropping onto her rear without seeming to notice that she was suddenly on the ground. "Oh, my- you're dead. I'm going crazy. I've lost my mind. I've finally-"

Natsu stared down at her. "...Lucy, I'm fine," he insisted. "I'm right here. I didn't send you my scarf. Did you even see?" He rolled his eyes and knelt in front of her, smacking her face gently with the end of his own. "I sent you your own."

She sobbed into her fingers. "Then why," she gasped, "Why didn't you s-send more-"

"We were in the mountains," he said, rolling his eyes _again_. He glanced up to look for Happy, but the Exceed was nowhere to be found. He'd probably gone ahead to tell their nakama of their return… "I couldn't really travel around sending stuff every day, now could I?"

She gave a ragged sob. "No," she agreed, her voice raspy. "You were...you were gone for so long…"

His eyes lit up. "I found him," he breathed. "I found Igneel, Luce. It was really him." He paused. "I thought you'd know if I just sent the scarf. I told him about you and he gave me another to send." He rubbed the back of his head, looking guilty now. "Sorry."

" _Sorry_?" Lucy was hysterical now and he winced when she hit the back of his head as hard as she could, glaring at him now. "I thought you were dead and all you can say is _sorry_? You _jerk_! I was…" Her face paled. "I have to go back...I was so…" She looked at a loss. She'd missed out on over a year of her life, had _grieved_ for over a year of her life, just to discover it had all been for nothing. She'd freaked all of her friends out for over a year for _nothing_.

She had to apologize.

She had to thank them all for trying to help her.

For no reason other than-

Wait.

When had she grabbed the fire mage by his face and slammed her lips against his? Not that he seemed to mind...he'd laced his fingers into her hair, returning the kiss with just as much intensity, but still!

She was breathless when he pulled back to search her eyes. "I'm _sorry_ ," he said earnestly. "It won't happen again."

"It better not," she whispered, then pulled him back to her for another kiss.

Which is _exactly_ how her overly enthusiastic nakama found her not even moments later, everyone rushing in their hurry to see if what Happy had said was really true.

* * *

 _So...this turned out way different than I was planning. But I love it. Did I scare you? Even a little bit? Lol. Hope you enjoyed! ;)_


End file.
